who'll have mercy on your soul?

[bilocation]

[She hasn't budged. Since she returned to the hotel, B-ko's locked herself in her room and crawled to the corner of her bed, burying her face in the pillow. In here, at least, she could pretend that she was safe. The sheets smelled funny and the air too cool for her to imagine that she's home, but what little comfort there is she'll take it. Right now, the world beyond that door was too frightening for her to face.

She called him earlier, much too afraid to be ashamed, but she doesn't know if he'll really come. Knees drawn tightly to her chest, she shook her head against the pillow.]

Help me... someone...

Comments

[bilocation]

It'd be fun for you. [Without realizing it, her grip tightens on the knob.] You don't worry about it like any normal person would.

[unconfirmed]

...I didn't... [mean for that to happen? That doesn't matter. He still died. It seems like a strange thing to apologise for and he can't really think of why he would owe her an apology either. He was the one that died. That isn't her fault though.]

I'll be more careful now.

[bilocation]

You don't get it! [Anger had always been her shield against anything that threatened to hurt her when her masks were broken through. Right now, anger was all she had, apart from the fear that sunk in the bottom of her heart.]

You're always happy to be scared, but you don't ever think beyond that, do you!

[You didn't think about leaving me behind.]

[unconfirmed]

[A-ya jerks at the shout. Without really thinking - as if to prove her point - he hangs up the phone and tips his head back to talk. She isn't really wrong. Is she mad at him because he's the only person she knows here...?]

...Why would I think about 'tomorrow' when it would be the same as 'today'? It was always boring. I thought I would be happy if it changed, even if the world was destroyed, it wouldn't matter to me.

[Those hollow words reach his ears, holding no meaning.]

...I don't want to die though, you know.

[bilocation]

[They've both been scared since coming here, she's sure of it. But A-ya's always held an aloof attitude towards it all, who's managed to keep everything together despite all that's happened. She doesn't know if she should be grateful for it or if she should be jealous.

She slumps against the door, voice softening.]

... you never acted like it.

[unconfirmed]

Because I don't scream or cry? [He doesn't mean it to taunt her, nor does his tone express that. Instead he's thinking out loud.]

When I'm scared... I write it down on my phone like I always do. Do you want to see it? They're just unsent drafts.

[Not that he'll show all of them. That's just embarrassing to show all those little thoughts and feelings.]

[bilocation]

[It stings how his answer doesn't even carry the tone of stating the obvious. He genuinely doesn't understand, and his clumsy offer at making it up hurts for some reason.

She doesn't want to keep this door closed any longer.

The door creaks open a crack.]

I don't want to see anything you write. [Her voice is small. But she steps back to let him in.]

[unconfirmed]

[Just like he said, his clothes have some dried mud on them but otherwise he doesn't look any different than the last time she saw him. The only difference is that he's alive. He tucks his phone into his pocket and stands up, coming inside.]

It's probably only interesting to me anyway.

[He pauses before turning around to look at her and holding his arms out at his sides]

See? Nothing is rotting and I'm not a skeleton. Ah, I'm as pale as usual but that doesn't make me dead.

[bilocation]

[Glancing him over, he does seem fine. He's talking, he looks alive, and there doesn't seem to be any wounds on him. Only mud stains his clothes. Ah, but the longer she looks at him, the wavier his image becomes. Isn't that strange...?

His hands look fine. They're a little dirty, but they're still pale and bony as they always have been. Despite being dead, A-ya's remained as A-ya.]

I... [How can he talk about it so casually? Her eyes are overflowing with a stinging heat. It's so pathetic of her. She's breaking down again, when it's the least convenient.] ... A-ya...

[If she touches him, he won't go away, will he? It isn't a ghost she's seeing, right? Even with these thoughts, however, she won't budge. All she can do is stand there, trembling.]

[unconfirmed]

[That mask that she crafted to perfection is so strangely imperfect. It always has been since the moment she first yelled at him. He lets his arms fall and looks at her. She's crying, upset, and he can't blame her or tell her it will be okay. Not only are those lies, they're lies she wouldn't accept anyway.

She can't break down right now, can she...? He could let her if there isn't any danger but he doesn't know when danger will come again.

Still, living in tension isn't good either. A-ya glances down at his own hands before reaching out-

-and pinching her hand.]

[bilocation]

[It's so stupid how many times she's wished for him to reach over and hold her hand. When she wormed his phone number from him, she caught herself wondering if he'd mind her texting him. Those small accidents built up over the course of their lazy school days, though she never let them show. These feelings were pitiful. B-ko, being perfect as she was, couldn't have that.

But he's touching her. Pinching her, to boot. Startled, she jerks her hand away.]

Hey--! Watch it...!

[unconfirmed]

[That familiar smirk comes back as he waves his hand. As usual, when it comes to her romantic thoughts, he remains completely oblivious.]

I've never heard of the undead pinching someone. That's proof that I'm fine right?

[bilocation]

What kind of proof is that?! [Despite crying just a moment ago, she's snapped back to her usual, irritated role.] Is that the best you can come up with?!

[unconfirmed]

[Just like usual, he slips into the defensive, backing away.]

What's up with that? Isn't that good proof? Even the monsters here don't pinch.

[bilocation]

[This was what she got for having expectations. But she can't say what she wanted him to do--it's too embarrassing.]

How's that supposed to make me feel better?

[unconfirmed]

It means I'm A-ya. I'm not a monster, or a ghost, or a skeleton, or a zombie, or any other sort of undead creature.

[He almost says-

No he does say it because he's A-ya]

I could still be a demon probably.

[bilocation]

[He's stupid. He's so, so stupid and insincere and insensitive and--

--and she's grabbing him by the wrist with a vice-like grip, refusing to look at him.]

[unconfirmed]

[A-ya blinks and looks down. He doesn't pull away or move at all. What should he do? She's been scared on her own but all he can really offer is to listen as he always does. If she won't talk, then he can just stay like this. That seems best.

Still, he should try.]

...B-ko... [It comes out slowly, as he wonders what words should follow it.]

...Let's not do that again.

[The part where they separated.

The part where he died.]

[bilocation]

[How can she put into words the terror she felt seeing him die? How she almost didn't make it back because she was so terrified that she could barely move? When she got back to the room she felt sick to her stomach. All she could do was curl on her bed and cry into her pillow, because all she was in this vicious world was a fish out of water, strung up for the monsters to pick at. B-ko, no matter how many times she turns it over in her head, can't find the words. She squeezes his wrist, aware of how it must hurt with how tightly she's holding on, but she doesn't want to let him go ever again.]

I don't forgive you. [She wishes her voice would stop trembling.] You never... should've gone...

[unconfirmed]

[It does hurt. That itself is pleasant compared to nothing.

Nothing. That's what death is. He knows that now. His memory goes up to the moment of death and then waking up again. But between that, he realises, was truly nothing. No afterlife, no consciousness, nothing.

This feeling - sadness, fear, some mix of those - was for the living. The dead didn't feel anything at all. He won't tell B-ko that. He can't even call it peaceful when there isn't anything there.]

Well, that's fine. [A-ya stares down at his feet.] It's normal for you to be mad at me. You're always mad at me over something I did.

[It isn't accusing, said in his usual tone, but a little softer than usual.

Is he supposed to take care of her now? They're the same age. He mostly still relies on his parents even if they aren't home as much now. What is he supposed to do for her or himself?

All he can do is tell her what he thinks right now.]

...We should eat something. It's been a few days for me.

[bilocation]

[Such a mundane suggestion helps ground her. Eating is a basic thing, simple enough to focus on. She saved enough food, didn't she? Even though wandering into the abandoned supermarket had been scary... she managed to scrape together enough.

A-ya hasn't pulled away yet, either. With a squeeze, she manages to calm down.]

... all right. I might have something.