who'll have mercy on your soul?

[bilocation]

[She hasn't budged. Since she returned to the hotel, B-ko's locked herself in her room and crawled to the corner of her bed, burying her face in the pillow. In here, at least, she could pretend that she was safe. The sheets smelled funny and the air too cool for her to imagine that she's home, but what little comfort there is she'll take it. Right now, the world beyond that door was too frightening for her to face.

She called him earlier, much too afraid to be ashamed, but she doesn't know if he'll really come. Knees drawn tightly to her chest, she shook her head against the pillow.]

Help me... someone...

Comments

[bilocation]

[He's stupid. He's so, so stupid and insincere and insensitive and--

--and she's grabbing him by the wrist with a vice-like grip, refusing to look at him.]

[unconfirmed]

[A-ya blinks and looks down. He doesn't pull away or move at all. What should he do? She's been scared on her own but all he can really offer is to listen as he always does. If she won't talk, then he can just stay like this. That seems best.

Still, he should try.]

...B-ko... [It comes out slowly, as he wonders what words should follow it.]

...Let's not do that again.

[The part where they separated.

The part where he died.]

[bilocation]

[How can she put into words the terror she felt seeing him die? How she almost didn't make it back because she was so terrified that she could barely move? When she got back to the room she felt sick to her stomach. All she could do was curl on her bed and cry into her pillow, because all she was in this vicious world was a fish out of water, strung up for the monsters to pick at. B-ko, no matter how many times she turns it over in her head, can't find the words. She squeezes his wrist, aware of how it must hurt with how tightly she's holding on, but she doesn't want to let him go ever again.]

I don't forgive you. [She wishes her voice would stop trembling.] You never... should've gone...

[unconfirmed]

[It does hurt. That itself is pleasant compared to nothing.

Nothing. That's what death is. He knows that now. His memory goes up to the moment of death and then waking up again. But between that, he realises, was truly nothing. No afterlife, no consciousness, nothing.

This feeling - sadness, fear, some mix of those - was for the living. The dead didn't feel anything at all. He won't tell B-ko that. He can't even call it peaceful when there isn't anything there.]

Well, that's fine. [A-ya stares down at his feet.] It's normal for you to be mad at me. You're always mad at me over something I did.

[It isn't accusing, said in his usual tone, but a little softer than usual.

Is he supposed to take care of her now? They're the same age. He mostly still relies on his parents even if they aren't home as much now. What is he supposed to do for her or himself?

All he can do is tell her what he thinks right now.]

...We should eat something. It's been a few days for me.

[bilocation]

[Such a mundane suggestion helps ground her. Eating is a basic thing, simple enough to focus on. She saved enough food, didn't she? Even though wandering into the abandoned supermarket had been scary... she managed to scrape together enough.

A-ya hasn't pulled away yet, either. With a squeeze, she manages to calm down.]

... all right. I might have something.